A conversation with my Gremlins

It was about time I had a serious talk with my Gremlins. You know the Gremlins. They come into everyone’s life from time to time. They are the negative thoughts and doubts. Sometimes they were formed out of love to protect me from getting hurt (physically or emotionally) and sometimes I think they were formed from some secondary storyline in an episode of The Facts of Life which altered my perception of reality. I’ve encountered my Gremlins before and we’ve had long talks. But this time, they needed to really understand where I was coming from. So I sat down with the head Gremlin (let’s call him Steve) and we talked about what was important and where this journey called my life was heading.

I talked about my big dreams and my plans for epic wins. I talked about places I wanted to go, people I wanted to meet, races and events I wanted to participate in. I had vision. Sometimes I had specifics. Other times just broad themes. But it was crystal clear what I wanted to create in my life, whether I knew how to get it or not. In my vision, the details aren’t forced. They reveal themselves naturally once I start moving and paying attention.

Head Gremlin Steve had other ideas. He would constantly interrupt me with his favorite phrase, “yeah, but.” Yeah, but you were sick and took two days off training. You will never be tough enough for a trail marathon. Yeah, but remember how you had ice cream for dinner last night? You can’t be serious about your nutrition. Yeah, but you don’t know anything about business. Yeah, but you’ve failed in the past. Yeah, but your relationship didn’t work. Again. You know you should buy some cats and get it over with.

This time I didn’t yell at Head Gremlin Steve. I didn’t turn my back on him, either. I talked to him. I thanked him. Yes, even when he said things which hurt me, I thanked him. I thanked him for his years of service. But you see, Gremlins, that’s just the story you choose to tell me. Taking two days off of training is going to make me stronger because I’m taking care of my body, not punishing it. I’m a pretty smart gal, I can learn a lot about business. My past relationships brought me a lot of happiness and the right one will come along. And if I can’t enjoy ice cream, then what the heck is the point of living?

Life isn’t about avoiding pain. It’s not necessarily about running into it, either. It’s about participating. It’s about finding my comfort zone and pushing at the boundary. It’s about knowing that I have the power to create what I want. It’s not a magical power. It’s not instantaneous. But it is there. Dealing with my Gremlins has taught me patience. And really, I have to thank them for that. Because my life is calling to me, but it unfolds in its own pace. My only job is to keep showing up. This is no time for shrinking.

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