Ok universe. Let’s try this again.
Yesterday I woke up with a positive attitude. I was ready for a great day, the beginning of Christmas week and celebration. I was ready to take care of myself and revel in joy. It started with my swim workout which didn’t go so well. But, you may recall, I pulled myself out of the “I suck” abyss, noticed when I wanted to inflict massive amounts of critical self-judgement and stopped. I labeled this a win even if my times were slow, remember?
Then I went to my car checked out since it was making some loud noises. The guys at the service were pleasant and my dad met me there to keep my company and facilitate the process. Heck, the place even had a courtesy office so I could finish up my work on my laptop. This was going great. Until my car was hoisted many feet in the air, exposing what would prove to be a problem of rust and corrosion. My trusty Subaru needed some TLC and it wasn’t going to be cheap. It appeared I needed to revise my wish list to Santa and ask for a new catalytic convertor and brakes. With my father there I was able to quash my desire to burst into tears in the middle of the service center.
See universe, I started out with a great attitude. I really tried to dwell in the positive. But why oh why did you send so many tests my way? You know me extremely well. You know these life happenings are going to make me second guess myself. Phrase like in over my head and what could I have done better have a tendency to haunt my brain. You know I have a penchant for catastrophic thinking.
This is where I benefit from the gift of endurance sports. Because I know the Doubt Gremlin well. We’ve met many, many times in training and racing. We’ve had fights and heart-to-heart conversations. And because of that, I’m getting better at handling life’s craptastic moments. I turn my focus to gratitude. I consciously change my thoughts to something better, sometimes completely off topic. After a day filled with craptastic moments, I was able to hang out with some friends and enjoy their stories, their laughter, their energy. And it helped turn my energy around. I’m not particularly great at this just yet. I can count a number of negative comments which slipped from my mouth, manifestations of my conversations with Doubt Gremlin. But I am making progress.
And so I start today with the attitude of joy and possibility. Again. Time to let go of the craptastic moments from yesterday. Time to focus on what I have in front of me, what I can do right now. If I focus on gratitude and abundance, those will likely overpower the craptastic power of the Doubt Gremlin, no matter what the universe throws my way today.