There was a point when the words, “Are you FREAKING kidding me?!?” wanted desperately to escape from my mouth.
In some ways I wish they had. Sometimes those outbursts release the frustration so that it passes over like a wave rather than simmers and stews into an rather unsavory concoction of negative emotion.
It was one of those days. You know the kind — the one where some of the good moments are blotted out by what seems like heaping pile of things which only can be described as craptastic. Schedules change. Projects suffer. People invade your personal space. Plans seem to make the universe not only laugh but decide that this might be a good time to teach you a lesson, turning everything upside down.
Roll with the punches?
Do I have to? Aren’t I always the understanding one, the one who works really hard to be low-maintenance? Granted I taught to keep the peace, to not rock the boat, to just let it go. Only do we really ever “let it go?”
As I start to utter my new favorite word “craptastic” over and over again I realize this is not a feeling I enjoy. I don’t enjoy being frustrated or pissed off. Vengeance offers me no solace. Thinking about the ways in which I’ve been wronged or unappreciated or mistreated or misused only exaggerates those feelings. And we’ve already established I don’t like the way that feels. And if our actions stem from our feelings, then a vicious cycle is soon to be upon me.
So let’s try something new today.
What feels better?
Simple, I know, but effective.
What feels better for me to do today?
I started with my five-mile run with Sue in the clear, dark and frosty morning, tuning my Garmin to display distance only. Running today would be an exercise in how I felt, not what I thought I should run. And, as expected, the run felt great.
So what’s next?
I could sulk. That I’m pretty good at. But again, that doesn’t make me feel very good.
So what would?
Making a list. Checking things off. Not in a mandatory way, but in a way that demonstrates all I can accomplish. Little things, I’ve learned, matter a lot and the little things that matter can change from year to year, month to month … heck even from day to day.
Perhaps the universe did bring me a hearty round of frustration yesterday to bring me to a better point of focus today.
I think I’ll keep the word “craptastic” around for a bit longer, but use it to summon mild amusement because the word, quiet frankly, can make me laugh. (Yes, I’m an easily amused, simple girl.) In fact, it may just serve as a reminder of the universal truth: What we focus on grows.
What do I want more of in my life?
My only job is to focus on that.
Because if I focus on what I don’t want, on the craptastic stuff, I’ll only end up attracting more of that into my life.